About the Finnish weather:

15C - It never gets any warmer than this in Finland, so this is where we begin: all the Spanish and Portuguese put on their wool caps, winter coats and gloves. The Finns go sunbathing.

10C - The French struggle to make their central heating work. The Finns are busy planting flowers in the garden.

5C - Italian cars refuse to start. Meanwhile, the Finns are cruising in their Volvo convertibles.

0C - Freezing point for distilled water. The water in the river Vantaa gets a little thicker.

-5C - In California, people are being rushed to hospital with frostbite. The Finns light a fire and have their last grilled sausage before winter.

-10C - The British turn on the heating in their houses. The Finns put on a long-sleeve sweater.

-20C - The Australians flee Mallorca. The Finns stop celebrating Midsummer, autumn has arrived.

-30C - In Greece, people freeze to death. The Finns start drying their clothes indoors.

-40C - Hibernated Paris disintegrates because of the cold. The Finns are still queuing outside the sausage bar.

-50C - The polar bears start evacuating the North pole. The Finnish Army decides to postpone its winter survival excercises and wait for real winter conditions.

-60C - Korvatunturi, the mountain where Santa Claus lives, freezes up. The Finns rent a pile of old movies and stay indoors.

-70C - The false Santa Claus moves south. The Finns start getting angry because they can't store their Koskenkorva vodka outdoors. The Finnish Army decides that the time is right for its winter survival excercises.

-183C - The microbes in the food can no longer survive. The Finnish dairy farmers are still milking their cows, but the cows complain that the farmers' hands are cold.

-273C - ALL atomic-based activity stops. The Finns start saying: Perkele, what a cold day it is!

-300C - Hell freezes over. Finland finally wins the Eurovision song contest.